03/02/2008
And no chewing gum on the bandstand, either
So of course, right about the time the new website design becomes operative, I come down with the flu, which I still have, in a fairly bad way. Phooey.
Plus, the elaborate new behind-the-scenes controls for the site makes me feel like I'm graduating from a push scooter to an Escalade. Fine tuning is still going on in all directions.
Please be patient, as the flu passes and I return to my usual sunny self (pause for laughter from the audience), the radio shows and the live Double Dee & Steinski set will appear for sale.
In the meantime - and I know you were wondering what the hell any of this had to do with a title about chewing gum - I resurrect this bit of musical instruction from the days of the Third Reich. It is absolutely authentic.
DANCE BAND RULES AND REGULATIONS DURING THE THIRD REICH (actual)
1) In the repertoire of light orchestras and dance bands, pieces in
foxtrot rhythm (so-called swing) are not to exceed 20%;
2) in the repertoire of this so-called jazz type music, preference is to
be given to compositions in a major key and to lyrics expressing joy in
life ("Kraft durch Freude"), rather than Jewishly gloomy lyrics;
3) as to the tempo, also, preference is to be given to brisk
compositions as opposed to slow ones (so-called blues); however, the
pace must not exceed a certain degree of allegro commensurate with the
Aryan sense of discipline and moderation. On no account will negroid
excesses in tempo (so-called hot jazz) be permitted, or in solo
performances (so-called breaks);
4) so-called jazz compositions may contain at the most 10% syncopation;
the remainder must form a natural, legato movement devoid of hysterical
rhythmic references characteristic of the music of the barbarian races
and conducive to dark instincts alien to the German people (so-called
"riffs");
5) strictly forbidden is the use of instruments alien to the German
spirit (e.g. so-called cowbells, flexitone, brushes, etc.) as well as
all mutes which turn the noble sound of brass-wind instruments into a
Jewish-Freemasonic yell (so-called wa-wa, in hat, etc.);
6) prohibited are so-called drum breaks longer than half a bar in four
quarter beat (except in stylized military marches);
7) the double bass must be played solely with the bow in so-called jazz
compositions; plucking of strings is prohibited, since it is damaging to
the instrument and detrimental to Aryan musicality. If a so-called
pizzicato effect is absolutely desirable for the character of the
composition, let strict care be taken lest the string patter on the
sordine, which is henceforth forbidden;
8) provocative rising to one's feet during solo performance is
forbidden;
9) musicians are likewise forbidden to make vocal improvisations
(so-called scat); and;
10) all light orchestras and dance bands are advised to restrice the use
of saxophones of all keys and to substitute for them violin-celli,
violas, or possibly a suitable folk instrument.
signed,
Baldur von Blodheim
Reichsmusicfuhrer und Oberscharfuhrer SS